Why Do We Need to Say NO Anyway?

No!

Have you ever asked yourself what the true meaning of NO is? According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, they define no as “a negative answer or reply to a question, request, or offer.” Doesn’t this definition seem pretty simple and straight forward? Why then do most people (especially parents) have such a tough time saying no to certain situations, others, and most importantly to their kids? Let’s face it saying no is probably one of the hardest things to say because most of us don’t want to hear it ourselves or be considered the bad guy especially when it comes to parenting our children, yes?

If you have been a reader or follower of mine for any length of time, you know that for as many years as I can remember (or you have read) I have been involved in sales/service throughout my career. With that comes a lot of NO’s. I have heard no told to me in just about every situation. The good… I no longer let a no get me down. The bad… I’m not completely sure that I am a good teacher to my kid in the no category, as I find myself saying “yes” to him quit often. Why is this? Why can I take a no but not dish out enough no’s in the parenting arena? Well the only way I figure I can combat my own weaknesses with the word no is to actually put into writing a couple ways to use no in a positive manner to actually help myself (more importantly) my kid grow up with a better idea of what no can lead to in the future for himself.

1) Honesty is the Best Method– I often hear other parents being talked into different items at different stores by their children even if they know they can’t afford it. Even if it’s a pack of gum or candy bar, more of us need to do a better job explaining to our children that even an extra dollar spent isn’t/wasn’t in the budget. A little honesty in saying no can/should go a long way and I would like to believe later in life my kid (yours too) should be more equipped to purchase things that he/they really need, not things he/they merely want. Be honest with them now and they will be honest with themselves and us later.

2) Find Replacement Words (Phrases) – Who doesn’t want to use other words that mean the same thing? Using alternative words or phrases for a simple no is a good way to mix things up, yes? We just mentioned that honesty with our children goes a long way perhaps instead of consistently saying no let us try to use more phrases like “maybe another time,” “let’s think about it,” or a simple as “not today!” These phrases are not a clear-cut no and give all us parents different ways to say no without be dishonest.

3) Keep It Simple Stupid (K.I.S.S.) – One of my favorite phrases throughout my sales career has always been KISS. This basically means that the more you talk the less people are going or be willing to buy. Why not use this same approach with our children when saying no? Instead of telling our kids no over and over again or using lengthy explanations, why don’t we try shorter explanations like “it is not okay to take the snack, controller, or toy away from that kid,” then simply give your kid an alternative like another snack, controller, or toy. This eliminates the use of no and replaces it an alternative explanation… KISS!

No-Alternative

Saying no to anyone, especially our children is hard. However, most people and more importantly children need to hear it and if they don’t then more times than not you’ll end up with a spoiled rotten brat, friend, or relative. I know this is a work in progress for my little family but I will continue to use my own strategies suggested earlier as well as others y’all might suggest. Until next time, thanks for stopping by and remember to keep smiling regardless of the circumstance.

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Why Every Family Needs an “AUNT” and/or “UNCLE”

 

 

I love all my aunts & uncles

When looking back on my own life and now my kid’s life, I can’t help but think about how important an aunt or uncle maybe? Moreover, and yes, this also includes all of those aunts and uncles that we used to or now our own children refer to aunt or uncle because they are around so much just like a real aunt or uncle. Do you have or remember those family members or friends that treated you like they were your own aunt or uncle?

I am not too sure if this gives away my age or not? But do you remember Endora from Bewitched here is a refresher if not…


or the movie Uncle Buck?

If you remember either of these thanks in advance for not pointing out my age and I hope you had/have a chuckle on me for this reminder, as both of these characters in these television/movies are priceless. Do you think every family needs an Aunt Endora or Uncle Buck character in their lives? Again, I have to say YES, as these characters or actually people in many cases help our children with emotional and/or physical transitions. In fact, I mentioned these two (show/movie), as they are prime examples of how my own sister and other impressionable women (Endora) and several other men and friends (Uncle Bucks i.e. y’all know who you are) who have helped me and are helping my own child with answers to many overlooked questions. Yes, this also includes those simple questions that I personally don’t often ask or others that my son may and/or may not feel comfortable asking or even listening to me to come up in his own personal life answers.

As for my family, I am completely appreciative of my aunts (Endoras) and other friends/family (Uncle Bucks)  that continue to be a huge support for me and my kids life. Even though I am sure that I will continue to stumble upon topics and interests that I was/will not be able to address and/or handle as graceful as my aunts or uncles, I wanted to make sure y’all know how grateful I am for your support/continued support and advice.

aunt-and-uncle-happy

So my question to you this Sunday morning is, “Do you also have an Endora and/or Uncle Buck in your family, if so who and if not why do you think that is?” I hope posing this question makes you or others realize how important this role is in are young-in’s growth. Moreover, if you personally don’t have and Endora or Uncle Buck in your own life, I hope you at least consider enrolling one or more in your own or children’s life now (i.e. it’s never too late to start something new) in order to help fill those often difficult or overlooked gaps between you and your children (subjects and/or conversations).

Happy Sunday everyone and make sure you take a moment to tell someone close to you or others involved in your or your children’s life how important they are to you today. Until next time remember to keep smiling, as you know it really does look good on you!