It has been awhile since I have written anything online and that is because like many of you, things have been moving along very rapidly in my life. As a single parent (all of you know this), I believe if someone offered to give me a few of their minutes or hours, I would be indebted to them for years to come which would hopefully slow things down or just give me a little extra time. However, I am sure at this point in my life things are not going to slow down anytime soon. Why? That is because I haven’t figured out a way to slow things down and/or no one is willing to give me any extra time. Oh ya, and after many years of being single I have finally found a woman that I am proud to call my girlfriend, which I spend a lot of my time with now. So what does that have to do with anything you ask? Well a ton! Now instead of working solely on raising my kid by myself, I am now working on raising my kid alongside that of another single parent. With that said, when you find someone you care about who seems to have some future potential for you, you are going to want to bring your children into the picture (this is where we recently were and where we are continuing to build our relationship around). Of course, you want your significant other to already know that you have children, which is why this was one of the first things we discussed on our first date. Otherwise, you may find a situation on your hands that cannot or will not add any value to a newly formed relationship. Not every man/woman is capable of accepting children that he or she perceives as belonging to another. Moreover, some men/women may be frightened of the responsibilities children represent. That is exactly why I waited on dating or getting involved because any negative feelings about children has/had to be high on the priority list. All people will have some reaction that may seem a bit odd, but that is not the same as having them say they hate kids and would never have them in their home.
The Importance of the Initial Meeting
As I have learned over the last six months, kids are very smart regardless of their age. In fact, both of our kids figured out early on that we both had something going on long before we actually introduced them formally. Well, OK, maybe not initially, because we actually did a fantastic job at covering it up even the first time we meet. Do you ever run into random people while you are out in the community? That is exactly what my woman and I did in order to introduce the two kids, randomly ran into each other at a local mall for an afternoon lunch (hehe). The initial resistance was not there nor did we have to explain ourselves at that time. However, over our next few visits the kids started figuring things out by themselves. Therefore, I wanted to give everyone reading this a couple of suggestions (do not’s) for bringing two families together because eventually when your children find out they will surely know that your previous relationship is over and may find it difficult to visualize you with another man/woman.
- Take a relationship slowly because you lower the risk of emotional backlash from your children as they adjust to your new life.
- Do not include a new partner in too many of your family days at first. Make time for you and the kids even after you are officially together.
- Do not spend your time focusing on becoming a family unit because you may not be able to keep things in balance. You may be forced to skip some important stages of your relationship on the course toward greater involvement and commitment.
- Do not have overnight visits until the children become comfortable with the viewpoint that your girlfriend/boyfriend is someone who may be here to stay.
- Do not allow your children to feel threatened or fearful that they could lose you to this new suitor or that the new man/woman will change the rules of the family.
Don’t Rush In
What is it that they say? Fools don’t rush in or never get in a hurry to make another mistake. At the same time, don’t let new opportunities pass you by or believe everything other people have to say. More times than not, you have gotten to this point of your life by making your own decisions whether they are/were good or bad. So, remember that you are on your way to building a completely new family configuration as a single parent with your kids and they, too, deserve your attention and your time while everyone works through the changes in their lives that a separation or divorce has brought. Also, remember that you don’t need to rush into anything… ever! You can take your time to allow everyone to get used to each other and for you to decide whether you really want to create a new family. If you have any doubts, there is nothing wrong with listening to your intuition and wait until either your feelings are resolved or you understand clearly that the relationship is not right for you. This maybe your last chance at a new and happy life much like it is mine. If important aspects are missing, wait for another situation to come along. Do not settle because you are lonely or think you will never have the right opportunity cause this could never be further from the truth. Pay attention to your children’s reactions to your new love, as they are a good indication of how things are really going. They often have their own way of sizing up a relationship, and may see something you do not. Keep in mind that you must constantly tell your children that you still love them and that no new relationship will change that, as my girlfriend is an expert in this category. Finally, tell them that you are all going to form a family and ask for their input if this is your ultimate desire, as it is mine. The more they feel a part of things the less frightened they will feel. You may be surprised because at this early stage of our relationship we surely are. If this is the right man/woman for you, your children may be as happy about things as you are… and won’t that make all the difference? As usual, I am glad you stopped by today and welcome all comments via any of my social networks. Until next time, remember to keep smiling and love the ones you’re with.
I love this post! I’m in the same situation.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nicely written. As a kid I went through this & as an adult I still have strong relationships with my family members. The key points you brought up are the reasons why. Reading this has helped me understand my extended family better. Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person